Hello all!

I was inspired to do this post when I read this post by Grace Marie at The Worthy Beloved. I admit though, that I was hesitant about even putting this secret list on the internet. I felt that I was "dictating" what the perfect husband was and not giving guys a chance. 

However, if I don't define any sort of standard, then any courtship would be a mess. Now that I have had a little dating experience, I'm going to reexamine that old list from when I was 22 and rework it to reflect my mid-twenties expectations. 

My standard of acceptable to date would be....

- Being a Catholic

            Having been a child of a mixed marriage, I know what pain and suffering that comes with that. I know how important it is for a spouse and I to be united in religion. And I would love if he was fervent in his faith and allow it to be the center of his life (everything from food to politics). The last thing I want for my children is to grow up with a double standard and be divided on what should knit us together. The world has enough splintered families - I don't want mine to be one of them. 

- Be willing to have as much children as God wishes us to have. 

Being truly Catholic means that we must be open to conception of children.....after all, that is the primary goal of marriage!

As a fifteen-year-old, I always said that I was going to have at least 10 children. Almost ten years later, I still wish for several children. But, I cannot demand gifts, and so I shall be happy if I have one or ten.

-  People-oriented, but not a total sanguine

Since I'm a melancholy-choleric, I believe that my best match is with a man with some traits of either phlegmatic or sanguine temperament. And since I'm so task-oriented, I believe that a more people-oriented person will balance me out better. Also, a playful sense of humor is always attractive. 

- Be a good conversationalist and discussion partner. 

            I'm still learning how to break out of my shell socially, so I think a good mark would be a guy that could draw me out. Plus, I love a good discussion.  

- Calm and patient

            Since I suffer from anxiety and a Celtic temper, I really need someone to be able to keep me calm (which will help with the children). 

- Honest and appreciative

            I prefer that, even if it hurts, to be told honestly about things. Because hiding things hurts. And being appreciative really makes me feel better (semi-fluent in Words of Affirmation). 

- Frugal and wise 

            Not to be personal, but I know the struggles of earning a good salary and having it disappear. And, I can't stand clutter either. I know one-income households are ridiculously difficult to maintain especially with the student debt that I (or we will) have, but if we are wise then I won't have to work for very long if at all. 

- Being interested and involved with me and the children

           One of the things that hurt me a little during my first "dating fling" was how distant and shallow our relationship was. This second one, however, has made much more an effort to see and get to know me. I am a big proponent of the husband participating in the domestic life, especially since my own father was not as involved as he could be.  

- Being a leader, pro-active

          It's a mark of a Biblical masculine man, and I would feel so much better if he would lead. Not that I couldn't, but that I probably....shouldn't. I really like it when men are decisive, and they make the effort to interact and follow up. Also, seeing my own father struggle with taking authority when he should (both to me and my mother), has really affected how I view the role of the father. That, and if he stands on his own two feet and and acts as the breadwinner, that would be wonderful. 

- Be willing to engage in agricultural activities

            Even if this is just on a farmette or homestead level basis. I feel "called" to participate in these activities, plus...let's be honest, it's the most perfect lifestyle to teach children about food, responsibility and work ethic. I don't know, but a log-splitting, animal-wrangling, farmer is one of the most attractive male species out there. 

- Be willing to support my interests

            Okay, call me really crazy, but do you remember that scene in the 1994 Little Women when Professor Bauer brings Jo the cup of tea and helps her with her novel?? I want that. I also wouldn't mind a guy that will help me train physically or with firearms, or be willing to go along on outdoor adventures. 

This support, I admit, is rather controversial among my rad-traddie friends. There is a traditional sentiment that a wife and mother should only be concerned with her husband and her children and nothing else, almost like a domestic cloister. However, this attitude potentially excludes supporting the church and the community - which is wrong! What if a wife was called to put together a podcast on Catholic topics or a Youtube channel? What if a wife is called to write novels? If we have to support our husband's interests and respect them, then I think it should go two ways, don't you?

And that is the end of my list! At least, all that I'm willing to share. There may be one or two secret things that I'll keep close to my heart. 

Now I'd love to hear from you! Do you have a "husband list"? What is the "hallmark" of a good man to you girls? 

Old-fashionably yours, 

Catherine